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Where I’ve been: Well, I’ve lived at the lotus house about six weeks now so it’s time for my official introduction as my first ever blog post (stand back world). I grew up in St. Louis through high school and then had been gone about 10 years in which time I got a B.S. in biology in IL, worked in a research lab in MI, did AmeriCorps in NC, become a physical therapist, worked at a SNF and then returned back to my roots in MO about a year ago due to wanting to be closer to family again.
Where I am: I’ve been drawn to the idea of community due to wanting to be known more deeply and be more rooted to this place. I’ve spent the last couple of years living alone, which has its benefits in being quiet and convenient and easy. However, I felt disconnected living across town from where I work, which is across town from family, which is across town from friends… I missed the days in undergrad where I saw friends daily in easy walking distance and felt more attuned to their joys and hardships and daily life. I feel like my life lately has been very transient and by the time I start to know a place I’m already moving to the next. I was very drawn into the ideals of the lotus house– living simply, living together, being rooted, investing in a place, praying daily, serving generously, etc. I was impressed how open-handed people are here. Instead of clinging tightly, things are readily shared, and in sharing there’s always more than enough. I think living here has already been good for me since I often try to be too independent and handle everything on my own. I think it’s slowly teaching me that burdens aren’t so overwhelming when they are shared. I’m in the process of trying to re-orient my life so that I can work less, live more simply, and be more content with each new day instead of worrying about future uncertainty.
Where I want to go: I read this prayer about transition before I had moved back to MO and it still seems appropriate to where I’m at in life for now.
Lord, help me now to unclutter my life, to organize myself in the direction of simplicity. Lord, teach me to listen to my heart; teach me to welcome change, instead of fearing it. Lord, I give you these stirrings inside me. I give you my discontent. I give you my restlessness. I give you my doubt. I give you my despair. I give you all the longings I hold inside. Help me to listen to these signs of change, of growth; help me to listen seriously and follow where they lead through the breathtaking empty space of an open door.